Prophet of the Naski

Changes made:

• Changes entered on the alternate beginning page.
  
• Keeping: “The room was showered with a single ray of light coming from the ceiling. There were a few stems of the root that went through the wall, then back out and were sticking out as though they were hands waiting to be shaken.”
• Radiation: xiya doesn’t spread like veins; it cracks the walls and embeds itself inside of the rock instead of outside of it. Furthermore the radiation is only the explanation for the death of the Naski and the dying forest; it is not severe enough that it would be registered on applications.
• Dmetri didn’t crash on the planet. He landed but the craft he was in broke down shortly after. The reason why he’s there is disputed, he could be looking for Yaamefli, or maybe he simply was running out of fuel and it was the only place to land.
• Yaamefli wasn’t transported off of the planet by Setsua or any of the Naski. She was picked up by the human space craft that had come to check out what had happened to the former one that had brought Kasio.
• Dmetri has knowledge of the Naski and his mother, then picks up on the information (knowing the language from Yaamefli) when reading Setsua’s writing.
• Setsua is a prophet/elder, which is a professional job in the Naski society. It is required of her that she writes down the history of the Naski. The room Dmetri comes upon is actually a library, which he finds Setsua’s entries open on a desk. (changing the part about it being written on the wall)
• Dmetri isn’t wearing any dumb armor suit, it’s changed to simply an armored outfit, and it is possible to remove it, so psh.
• The details about the surgery of the Naski children is more relevant, especially in Dmetri’s appearance and what Amin comments on. It also greatly effects Amin’s level of trauma in Part 2, as she is horrified by the deformities in the baby, although he lives.
• Remember to comment on Dmetri’s appearance.
• Ages: Aminoniet is 28, Dmetri is 24, and Rhyski is 42. (Dmetri has to be younger than Amin)
• Names: the name of Rhyski’s two husbands needs to be edited.
• Rhyski: the incident with the murder of Prince Kana needs to be changed so that it does not comment on the fact that they look like foxes. Restricting on the aliens.
• Exactly as printed “No wrists? Wtf?”
• Don’t dramatize Milnie’s existence too much. I mean… ultimate evil, come on, man.
• “Tales on the walls of Naski who were outcast because they had no telepathic ability.”
• Dmetri’s hands have a long stitch on one side where the second thumb was sewn up.
• There may be an outcast Naski child that Dmetri runs into named Gaunzi. Either that or Milnie runs into him, perhaps.
• Yaamefli looks similar to the prophet Eva.
• Setsua’s lover: Kasio. Brothers: Anezlo and Nasyck. Dmetri’s father: Nyura.
• Amin’s… vibrant anger.
• Yikulo, the planet, has rings.
• Dmetri finds out about Amin’s intentions off of an old broadcast of criminals he had saved because of a different reason. He confronts her and she pulls out the knife realizing her cover has been blown.
• Dmetri is so emo.
• Amin is Russian, she has a Russian accent, but Ghiskie is similar to German.
• Amin has two pistols on her belt when Dmetri finds her, but they are both out of ammo. She hits him with one sometime.
• Dmetri locks her in the ship when he leaves. Or something similar to that. She might try to follow him once or twice. Or maybe he only goes back once and she misses the chance but then she takes it to steal from his ship, getting Yaamefli’s knife (Keitra ceremonial dagger)
• Don’t forget the infection that gets Dmetri after she cuts him.
• Strange red mist over the field.
• Amin insinuating that she’s going to kill him, foreshadowing for later events.
• Naski days are shorter than Earth days. Almost half.
• Rhyski Fonal recognizes Aminoniet, but Dmetri Gloshaki persuades her to take Amin along.
• Rhyski asks if they should take the little ship along, also asks Dmetri what he’s doing with Amin / what he’s there for.
• Rhyski’s ship is not a shuttle. It’s a personal craft that is SMALL.
• Rhyski needs to be aggressive when dealing with Amin.
• Aura is common language.
• Rhyski’s brother is a bounty hunter.
• “Amin laughed, looking at the screen. ‘Rhyski, how do you do it?’ She whispered even though Rhyski was no where around, ‘how do you keep from killing me?’
• “So, Rhyski, why aren’t you still mad at me?” Amin laughed.
  Rhyski glanced at her; “I would have killed you. I can still kill you, but I’ve got more important things to do. But keep in mind I will make no move to rescue you from any fate you’ve set up for yourself.”
• “What’s to become of me?”-Amin
  “I’m taking you back to Earth with me” –Rhyski
• “SHUT UP!” Rhyski shouted as she swerved around, “Amin, you don’t understand this, but I’m not the kind that shouts in joy every time I kill someone!”
• “…”
• “I’m not everyone.” Dmetri smiled.
• “Why don’t you have a scar?”
  Dmetri didn’t answer, he looked around blankly.
  Amin looked back at him, “Dmetri?” She waited for him to answer.
• Amin looked at the bottle, “Mikesa. That’s very bland. I don’t want any.”
  “I wasn’t offering any to you, you have nothing to celebrate.”
• Find a different way of hinting at what happened to Dmetri when he was 18 that made him leave earth.
• The council of the Naski consists of various elders throughout the Naski history, perhaps the non-telepathic Gaunzi is on the council, otherwise Nyura is mentioned, and Eva and Setsua are on the council.
• “It’s eating me up inside, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate you, but you know that already.” –Setsua
  “Yes, I know. You say I’m just like your brothers and that I drink too much, that I was a disgrace for hitting Yaamefli that one day. I am a disgrace for my son. Now don’t be hating him too.” –Nyura
  “I don’t hate my own kind.” –Setsua
  “I take it you don’t judge people by how they look.” –Nyura
• Too many of the names within the story end with either an “a” or an “i”. This issue needs to be addressed.
• For referencing drugs used in interrogation see: ketamine, amobarbital, scopolamine, and sodium thiopental.